Aidpage

since no one has responded i guess i need to but my post in a different category...

This is the best "suicide" page I've ever seen.

What stood out to me the most is this:

"Suicide is not chosen; it happens
when pain exceeds
resources for coping with pain." 

To read more please go here:  Suicide: Read This First

I am a mother of four. About four years ago I had 16 mercury fillings placed in my mouth. I did not know at the time that the metal fillings contained mercury, and my dentist had never told me, so I went ahead and let him put them in. Shortly after the first eight fillings I had a seizure. I have never had seizures before, so it was weird for me to have one. Shortly after I had the other 8 fillings done. Ever since than I have been dealing with migraine headaches, brain fogginess, loss of balance, depression, anxiety, and I'm always tired. It has gotten so bad where I am no longer able to work. I barely have enough energy for my kids.I'm at the point where I'm thinking of committing suicide. I don't think I can live like this any longer. I can't live stuck in my mind. Please someone help. I need to get them removed and I can not afford it. Please, I want to be normal again. I want to wake up from this Hell I have been living in for the last four years.

Walk into Mom's house and what do you see?

Read along while I set the scene for you. 

Mom has a modest home, with cream colored walls and a kitchen bar that faces both the minimal fireplace in the only living area and the front door in the very minimal foyer. Mom has the usual furniture, nothing fancy but more suitable for constant living. All just comfortable enough to convey a message of a lightly placed down-home-welcome.

Just inside the foyer you'll find the normal home decor; a number of crosses on the walls, a well placed mirror, a couple of candles and the ever popular iron initial representing that people live here..... but what's missing? 

There's a photo of the oldest son and of the youngest son, one of the husband and one of the Rottweiler who passed away years ago; what you don't see are pictures of the lady of the house. Well, there is that one - you know the one that was fretted over and finally put in a frame with a feeling of exasperation. But still,  you'd swear it shows a slight tint of shame.....   it's just a snap shot, nothing fancy, no studio setting, no spun-up hairdo, just a simple snap shot captured one night years ago.

But look at it closer, do you see a smile? Do you see more than a mere profile image? No - you don't.  The lady of this house doesn't take photos, family photos are non existent; snap shots of Mom get quickly deleted from the camera before someone can see them. 

Why?

Mom has lost her teeth. While not completely toothless; toothless enough to cause her physical image to become prisoner of the not-so-smooth-hand-in-front-of-the-mouth-smile. 

Once a budding character, Mom has become much less sociable now. She doesn't join women's clubs anymore, she doesn't volunteer, she doesn't attend luncheons or settings where her looks may or, even, may not be on display, she even stopped going to Sunday School. She used to be an impulsive person, but now everything has become calculated, and the mathmatical diagram always takes root through the "do I want people to see my teeth" question room; where inadvertantly the answer is always a resounding "NO!". 

But it's not just the photo's or the active-living-Mom that's missing here. What else is gone, is it something you can see, something you'd notice right away? Probably not. 

Mom doesn't eat anymore. Every bite is as calculated as her outtings. Every food chosen for comfort and chewability instead of taste or nutrition. Mom remembers foods that she used to love, but the hopes of even tasting them have long since faded into reality.  Sometimes Mom will put the bacon bits in her mouth just to suck on the flavor, but she never does it when anyone is looking. She also cuts tiny pieces of a Hershey's Kiss and places a single slither on the roof of her mouth just to experience the pleasure of chocolate, but she never does that either [when people might see]. 

Mom's morning routine is just as odd as her anti-social tendencies. Usually once a week Mom will make three cups in the morning,  two cups of morning coffee; one with cream and one with cream and sugar and a third with a well-measured amount of peroxide and water. All cups are left dormant on the counter until they've reached room temperature. Then carefully Mom will use a child's medicine dropper to place a single millliliter of the sweetened coffee on the back of her tongue, followed quickly by a big swallow of the room temperature coffee with cream only.

Why? 

Mom used to love her coffee steaming hot with cream and two sugars, but that recipe has now become a recipe of pain. These days Mom has her coffee while standing by the sink, ready to swish the ready-made rinse of peroxide and water, just in case she misses her tongue and gets some of the sweet stuff near a broken or cracked tooth. 

Mom still has friends, but they've been reduced to cell-phone buddies. There are no outtings with the girls anymore; not for Christmas shopping or even the pedicures she used to love to have with her friends. Mom has pushed everyone away now. She doesn't talk about her teeth, she doesn't talk about her inability to get them fixed. She doesn't tell anyone that she sits late into the night and searches the internet for a glimmer of hope. Mom has developed the ability to look you right in the eye and lie that she's feeling fine; but check Mom's medicine cabinet and what you'll find is a much different story. Bottle after bottle of pain killers line the cabinet, each with a different doctor's name on it, and bottle after bottle of empty antibiotic bottles. 

Has Mom become a addict; no, I don't think so. Mom has been to at least 10 different dentists, practically begging each one to take her money in payment installments, yet each one has turned her out. For each office Mom visited, she left with 4 things: A prescription for antibiotics , A prescription for some mild painkiller, A stern warning from each dentist that much of her health problems could be because of her teeth and finally Mom left with another broken heart from yet another denial for care. 

Mom worries a lot and Mom cries a lot, especially when another tooth breakes and you watch her consult her checkbook again to see if she's yet acquired that multi-thousand upfront payment the dentists insist upon. You expect to see baby's chin quiver with tears, but not Mom's.  

Mom doesn't go out anymore. Mom doesn't talk to people anymore.  Mom doesn't smile anymore. Mom doesn't laugh anymore.

Mom lives in pain and shame. 

Mom's smile has become like a picture on a magazine page;  somewhere, you know it exists, but not here and not now - maybe never.... unless 

Everyone is having a tough time right now. The economy is horrible, there are no jobs, no money, and just when you think this is supposed to be the happiest time of year, it appears to be the worst. Some people can't stand another holiday scene or to hear about another holiday party when they are just trying to keep ( or get) a roof over their heads. In our workplaces and stores, we hear:  give to this, support that, and wonder who will support our family? Above all, we wonder where this will end. 

Depression is not new, but the stress of the holidays amplifies the hurt and the pain of what we think we should be able to provide for our families and the crushing reality of what we can't. This one month out of the year should NOT define us as human beings. Society does not determine who we are by the number of presents under our tree, the amount of food on our table, or the number of charities we support. If we have loving people around us, that says more than anything ever could.

But if you are having a difficult time at this, or any time of the year, dealing with stress or depression, please know there is help available to you.

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255), a free, 24-hour hotline available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress. Your call will be routed to the nearest crisis center to you.

• Call for yourself or someone you care about
• Free and confidential
• A network of more than 140 crisis centers nationwide
• Available 24/7

I went through a horrible divorce approx. 10years ago, I walked away, I was tired of the abuse, I have one child and needed to provide with out much support. I ended up putting myself in a lot of debt due to med bills and living expenses and ended up having to file bankruptcy 4 years ago. Because the market was up, my house value soared so, even though no one wanted to buy it and it was cheaper to keep it then pay rent elsewhere, I had to file chapter 13 to repay the debt. Since then I have been paying mo. payments to the trustee and it is now time to finalize the bankruptcy.Meanwhile 2yrs 5mo ago my son was in a terrible motorcycle accident and broke both his legs and his back.He was almost paralyzed and had to spend 1 month in the hospital then 3 months in a wheel chair. I took a 3 mo. leave of absence to care for him  and then right when I returned to work, My brother(who was living with and helping to care for my mom) committed suicide.I then had to leave my job to move in with mom to care for her full time,she has dementia, is insulin dependent diabetic,is in kidney failure and has a heart condition.Which brings me to my current situation:Because the market crashed, my bankruptcy was converted to a chapter 7 however when that happened, there was a previous amount owed to the mortgage co.that now has to be repaid or they are going to foreclose on my house. I need $5,000.00 to clear the debt and pay their attorney fees!!My son is currently living in the house until I'm done caring for my mom at which time I would then move back in.The house is a small(800sf) old,(50yr+) and now isn't worth much, but its all I have,I don't want to lose it! I can't get a loan due to my bankruptcy and I'm not even earning an income at the moment.I will start earning some money as soon as my mom qualifies for medicaid, which she will in a couple of months, then I will receive approx. $10.00pr hr for 40 hrs work a week(even though I have to be there 27/7/365)I've never asked for this kind of help before, but I'm desperate, I only have 1 week to get the money or I lose my house! CAN ANY BODY HELP ME??? PLEASE!!!     thank-you for listening and any help.  

My brother wants to end his life.  His situation is not uncommon these days: he lost his job, broke up with his girlfriend with whom he has lived for 12 years, (she owns the house), and found himself tossed into the masses of the unemployed.  He moved across the country staying with family and relatives, but as our lives became more complicated with personal health issues and job insecurity, and his inability to secure a paying job, he would turn to alcohol and cigarettes.  After months of inactivity, we found him a job with a call center.  He worked there for 6 weeks and earned enough money to qualify for a small apartment near his work.  3 weeks after moving into the apartment the call center "downsized" and he was laid off.  This occurred days before his birthday in early May.  Lost and alone, he attempted to commit suicide the day after his birthday.  He left a note in the apartment manager's box and, if not for her stopping at the office on a Saturday, he would have died.

He was committed to a mental health facility for evaluation.  Because of HIPAA privacy rules we don't know the diagnosis, but we have been told by his counsellor that he's well enough to transition to a homeless shelter today.  He has no money and our family has exhausted our savings trying to help him.  His counsellor says that my brother is resistant to leaving the mental health facility and has verbally threatened to hurt himself again if forced to leave.  

I don't know what to do.  As it stands, he has debts, no car, no place to live, no means of employment and a grim future. If he could support himself and get back on his feet, then I think he would become a contributing part of society again.

I'm worried - what are the "next steps"?   Where does one learn how to overcome such things?  Is this a pending death that might have been avoided?

I was born in Iran. I was treated horribly just because I was a girl! I was able to leave Iran right after 8 years of war. I was a teenager when I married and moved to U.S. For over 17 years I put up with a husband who was 14 years older than me and mistreated me, so finally I left him 3 years ago. I worked and went to school full time while I had to support my two children without ANY help from my ex husband. Becasue of all I went through in Iran including war, being wipped in public for speaking my mind when I was 14, loosing my friends and the hardships I have to endure as a single mom in United States, I am experiencing bad episodes of anxiety attacks and depression. I hardly can pay my immediate bills and am working 55-65 hours a week. I still have students loans to pay and the phone calls don't stop. I think about killing myslef every single day but then what will happen to my two beautiful children who are guess what? GIRLS!!!! no matter where I am in this world Middle East or even U.S. I have to pay the price of being a female and everything that comes with it....

This is a help page for those who suffer from depression. Depression is the fastest growing disability in the world. It will soon be the largest disablity in the world. Those who need depression help can see here. It is excellent information on healing the depressed

http://spirithappy.wordpress.com

Hi I am in desperate need of help! My rent is due and my bills are stacking up! I a 35 year male who suffers from dystimia and major depression disorder. I recently lost my job that I was ony at for a few months and before that I was out of work for 7 months.At my last 3 jobs I wasn't employed over 5 months so I couldn't even collect unemployment. I see a therpist and am on medication but never really seems to help I go through these really bad stages where I get so depressed I get suicide. Thoughts. Now as far as my jobs. I'm not losing them for any certain reason I don't think its just times are tough and cut backs are made I'm in the. Restaraunt field. What I do know is things seem to be getting for me I getting more depressed and I can't even get out of bed. What do I do I'm about to be thrown out. Can't afford anything. I'm lost

I am 49 yrs old, I had a great job that I lost due to a mistake with the North Dakota Department of Transportation, they marked my drivers license suspended. I did not have to pay to get my license reinstated but they also forgot to remove that record from my driving record. I had driven for work that day and I found out that it was suspended for 4 hours of my workday. FedEx was closing the station I was working out of and they decided to fire me because I failed to tell them my license was suspended even though it was not suspended.

I have A.D.D. (documented) and with the loss of my job has depressed me severly. I also have had the luck of working myself into diabetes because of the depression lack of motivation and watching my dietary needs. Last week was my last week on unemployment and I am trying to find something that I can do instead of being dependant of working for someone else for money. I would like to start my own little business in the laser cutting and engraving business, but in order to get money I have to have good credit. I am now in a catch 22. I have no viable income and I have bad credit. I need some HELP, my next step will be suicide.

Namaste,

I can help you to find a new perspective on your situation so that, though you may still need to go through it, you will not suffer through it. Often, all we need is a new understanding and that helps us to get unstuck and respond to "What IS" actually going on instead of filtering What IS through past conditioning. HINT: If you are angry, can you see clearly what is actually happening, or do you look for things within what is going on to justify your anger? So, logically, if you can let go of your anger, then you will be in a better position to respond appropriately. I can help you to let go of any obstacles to clear understanding.

I am one to call on if you are open to learning a more effective and happier way to live. If you only wish to rehash old hurts or just talk to someone who will pity you or enable you to continue to stay in the same emotional place, then I am NOT to one to call. I believe you have the power to live your own life effectively, and your present circumstances are just the springboard you need to discover this for yourself. You are responsible for your life, and the only reason one suffers is not yet having figured out how to take hold of that power. If you are willing, then I can help you to find and make use of the power within you to live the happy, joyful and loving life that you can be living. 

I have experience with child abuse, sexual abuse, runaways, spousal abuse, alcoholism, excessive anger, suicidal thinking, marital problems, Spiritual confusion, sexual addiction, non-medical depression and many other situations that trigger pain within us. I can say, from my own experience and from the knowledge I have accumulated, all this and more can be overcome, if you are willing to think in a new way...and if you are willing, then I can give you the steps to get you there. You, however, have to do all the work. (Sorry, but that is the way it is. "I can see you scratch, but I cannot feel your itch.")

I am 23 years old and suffer from bipolar disorder/depression. Over the years it has gotten worse. I am a self harmer/ "cutter" and was recieving treatment and this included being put on medication to help stabalize my thoughts and moods.  I was working for three years as a legal secretary and just got laid off. I now have no medical. I am currently filing for unemployment and looking for a new job but it's getting harder and harder as the days pass.  My bosses were not easy to work for. every day they cursed me, called me names, degraded me and embarrassed me. I was called a douchebag, retarded, retardo, as*hole etc. On top of that I worked 9-10hrs  sometimes three days a week and only paid for 40hrs a week.  When I finally got medication they forced me off of it with the threat of firing me. On the verge of a nervous breakdown and/or suicide I begged them to stop treating me the way they did and tried explaining that I could not work the hours I was working... I was/am too tired..... I was laid off shortly after.  I was told many times to seek out an attorney or other employment but I worked for attorneys who know EVERYONE and I was so afraid that I wouldn't be hired by anyone else or believe my story so I stuck it out.  I live with my boyfriend and our dog but I am not sure we are going to make it through this and I am terrified.  Emotionally, mentally and physically drained I am at a loss and to top this all off this all happened two days after signing our year lease.... the bills are stacking up and the money is running out. 

Here it is New Yer's Eve 2008, I am unemployed due to being bullyied at work for 2 years.  I am deseprately grateful that I saw it coming and was able to cut back my speding and save some money to carry me over.  I am desperately terrified of losing my home before I find a job, becasue if I lose my home, I'll die.  i'm 61.  I have a lot to live for.  I have a home, a college dregree, 4 worthwhile children and 1 alcoholic paraside, 2 wonderfully smart grandchildren, and a few friends.  My brother lives far below the poverty line becuaese he chooses to not sell out to the "Establishemnt"  After all, he was a hippy in the 60s.  My sister marriied 2 men who were conformists and hard workers and who provieded hier with 2 beautiful daughters, a luxurie house which she sold and now lives off the money with her retured businessmans boyfiend.  Did I make bad choises?  I got married to an immature irrespinsile S.O.B. who to this day, will not take respbinsibity for his own actions.  The most devastating decision I made was not one I was allowed to make.  I had children.  I had no insruance.  Living way out in the coutrhy (boondocks) I ahd no access to clinics or to doctors or to a pharmacy.  I had no driver's licnse, no car, no bus fare, no money, no checking account.  I was, by definiistion, chattel property.  I was a young mother during the Nixon presidencey.  The lines at the umeployment office were about 4 blocks long.  (I don't know how long they were insdie the buiding.)  Essex County's official unempolument rate was 11%.  Years later, an Economics progessor taught me that the official rate is almostt always one half the real unemployment rate.  Then again, in the 80s, unemployment was up to 5.5% == read 11% again.  Now unemployment is up, due to the impending depression looming over us.  The official rate in my county is 8% == read 16% if you double it like they say to in Econoimcs 101.  I joined Freecycle.com over a year ago to get a few things free so I could save up some money.  I did get a few clothes and a couple pairs of shoes suitable to wear on a job.  (Ffor 20 years I wore medical scrubs.)  I apply for any job I am quaified to do, but when they see that I have a college degree, I get passed over.  Why hire "an old lady" if you can hire a kid out of high school who can lift 100 pounds.  There are no laws against bullying in my state, and I often dream of going somewehre else, like Canada.  I have met so many people in this coutry who hate it here.  They are tired of struggling, tired of being lied to and talked down to, by elected officials, news spokespeople, and their bosses.  We are told that when we die, we will be in "a better place".  This is what Karl Marx meant when he said "Religoin is the opimium of the masses".  Now, it traslates to "sports and beer are the religin of the working class".  I do not want to die.  I don't have helath insurance.  I am also diabetic.  Even if I get health insurance, pre-existing conditions are exempt.  I will, like most working-class Americans, die of an esity and cheaoply treated disease or conditioin, becasue to have universal access to hearltth care would be "Communism", and we can't have that, now can we.  Straw man argement, I say.

I'm am writing to rant! I cannot believe some of the things I have been seeing! I am ashamed for people who come on here, and delibrately belittle people. Everyone has a right to feel how they feel. Including people who are Jerks! But Aidpage is about People helping people! Not, people telling other people how petty their needs are. We all have problems great and small. Just because you believe that someone's problem is too small, or they are being winey, Well... that's none of your dang business. If that is the case, pass them by, "If you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all!" Now I am not talking about  the people that come on here to take advantage of the naieve by sucking them in to one scheme or another. That's a whole differrent story. How can anyone come on Aidpage, and tell someone they are making too much of their sitiuation, or that they are just spoiled(even if they are). You don't know these people! What if they are on the edge of Suicide, or something even worse. If you feel like it's your duty in life to tell people things like this, there is always a better way to go about it. I saw one girl that asked for a pizza. And that's it. She gets told that she is making fun of people on here, and that their wish is that she really has to go through harder times in life. That's Just wrong. So in my little rebellious way, I just want to say, DANGIT! I want a PIZZA TOO!!!!!!!!!! Pizza for everyone!! I know you want one!